By: Tom Dane
We all want to get along better with others. Sometimes it just feels so damn awkward with certain people though! Wouldn't it be great if we knew simple principles that enabled us to experience more satisfying relationships.
The following Top Ten Tips offer you some simple advice that you can begin to apply right now.
1. Remember that however unreasonable someone is acting their behaviour is derived from a positive intention. When you 'act as if' all behaviour has a positive intention behind it, through discovering it, your life will become more pleasant. An example: You meet an angry person and you think how childish and silly they are. But if you were to ask yourself, "what is the positive intention behind this persons angry behaviour?", you could come up with something useful that allows you to feel more comfortable. For instance people often act angry because behind this they believe it will protect them from harm.
2. When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable in an interaction 'get some perspective' by disassociating. In your minds eye see yourself and the other person interacting over there, rather like you would if you were to see a movie of the situation.
3. Step into their shoes. This is one of the most powerful methods for gaining wisdom about your relationships. To begin you imagine communicating with the other person, noticing how they talk, observe their facial expressions and so on. You then 'step into their shoes' and see through their eyes and hear through their ears. So of course you will be looking at yourself! Run through a conversation you've had before that could of been better. Notice 'yourself' and become aware of how seeing things from this other persons perspective gives you knew insights into the relationship. This method is described in more detail in my free mini-course.
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The following Top Ten Tips offer you some simple advice that you can begin to apply right now.
1. Remember that however unreasonable someone is acting their behaviour is derived from a positive intention. When you 'act as if' all behaviour has a positive intention behind it, through discovering it, your life will become more pleasant. An example: You meet an angry person and you think how childish and silly they are. But if you were to ask yourself, "what is the positive intention behind this persons angry behaviour?", you could come up with something useful that allows you to feel more comfortable. For instance people often act angry because behind this they believe it will protect them from harm.
2. When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable in an interaction 'get some perspective' by disassociating. In your minds eye see yourself and the other person interacting over there, rather like you would if you were to see a movie of the situation.
3. Step into their shoes. This is one of the most powerful methods for gaining wisdom about your relationships. To begin you imagine communicating with the other person, noticing how they talk, observe their facial expressions and so on. You then 'step into their shoes' and see through their eyes and hear through their ears. So of course you will be looking at yourself! Run through a conversation you've had before that could of been better. Notice 'yourself' and become aware of how seeing things from this other persons perspective gives you knew insights into the relationship. This method is described in more detail in my free mini-course.
[Read full article]
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